Spam – A whole new kind of crazy

“I’ve learned how to use my spam filter pretty effectively.” – Al Yankovic

spamSpam. Oh, spam. You are such a time suck for every blogger. Spam. Spam. And more spam. Like dust bunnies pro-creating and making more work in some secluded corner somewhere, spammers are out in full force, grabbing each key word and twisting my content into a new level of craziness to fit their message. They try so hard to “fit in” to the real comments waiting moderation. They try so hard to be relevant.

There was a time, not so long ago, that I would greet each email comment notification from WordPress with glee! But that love affair is quickly ending, and I find myself becoming more and more aggravated with having to waste my writing time on sorting through comments such as these:

  • “She grew sharp pangs.” Gee, I hope that was before she read my blog post!
  • “Many thanks for the great write-up.” You’re welcome. I had you in mind all along.
  • “The item the simple truth is once were a amusement account it. Look difficult to additional launched pleasant within your mind you should we converse.” Huh? Well, at least it was spelled correctly…
  • “As the sun shone on, his hair glittered and flashed so that the rays fell into payday loans.” Wow – I didn’t know it worked that way. Thanks for the info. I’ll click that hyperlink you included – not.
  • “This is the best websites I have read.” Aww – that means so much coming from you.
  • “The outposts of civilizations are payday loans.” Really? So, all those historians had it wrong.
  • “He curled down the weeds carpet cleaning.” Yeah, not really getting this…
  • “…He met an old woman who asked him where he was going. “I hardly know where I am going,” said the soldier, “but I think I should carpet clean Santa Monica.” I bet the folks in Santa Monica think so, too.
  • “I noticed it’s hard to find you on Google.” Really??? It sure doesn’t seem to be a problem for you…

These are just a few examples I receive multiple times per day. Most are written in, dare I say, English. I have tried to translate all the foreign language comments, but I haven’t yet mastered Russian, Chinese, Arabic and other languages, so I will go with the assumption that they, too, are being kind.

A few comments are, as a fellow blogger puts it, “spam-pliments.” They are quite nice, if I do say so myself. Some of the spam comments are very pornographic. (And, no, I don’t need to enlarge something that didn’t come with my original packaging. But I digress.)

Apparently, spamming is working for someone, or the spammers wouldn’t keep spamming, right? These folks wouldn’t keep phishing if they came up empty-handed. So somewhere out there in the vast social media, email and blogging world, someone is clicking these odd-ball hyperlinks and encouraging spammers and hackers to keep on trying to infiltrate my site.

It makes me want to hunt those fools down and spam-smack them into cyberspace.

No wonder “she grew sharp pangs.”ย I now understand how that can happen.

ยฉ 2014 – Lynne Cobb

Are you being harassed by Sir Spam-A-Lot and his merry crew of hackers? Do you chuckle at the messages or delete them without looking? Let me know in the comments below.

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13 Responses to Spam – A whole new kind of crazy

  1. Helene Cohen Bludman says:

    Ack! That is so annoying (although I find some of my spam comments hilarious, too). Do you use Akismet, Lynne? I have found it to be pretty helpful with spam.

    • LynneCobb says:

      Yes, I use Askimet. But they aren’t sent to a spam folder…they are waiting for me to moderate. So, at least they don’t get into my comment section. Is there something more with Askimet I should do? I use the free version.

      • LynneCobb says:

        Here’s another doozy: “obviously like your web-site however you need to test the spelling on quite a few of your posts. Several of them are rife with spelling issues and I in finding it very bothersome to inform the reality however I will definitely come again again.” Yes, criticize my spelling when you can’t form a coherent sentence. LOL ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Robyn says:

    There are days my spam is the funniest thing I read. I have even copied it as a text to my sister. It’s like reading word-salad (that is a real psychological term). It seems the same people who ‘love’ you ‘love’ me and they say the same things. :-/

  3. Claudia Schmidt says:

    I have no idea how to get rid of these annoying spambots on my blog, other than going in and removing each one manually – it’s very annoying! The last 2 weeks have been out of control, not sure why. Yours above, are pretty funny, somewhat similar to the ones I get. I love your responses ๐Ÿ™‚
    Claudia Schmidt recently posted…All For the Love Of BaseballMy Profile

    • LynneCobb says:

      I don’t either, Claudia! I, too, am removing each one manually. Some days, I clear out 50 of these so-called comments. Glad you liked my responses ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Tammy says:

    So agree with all of this! What a pain in the butt. They are getting even more clever as sometimes I have to read twice before determining they are bunk. There was one that was so flattering, I was almost tempted to keep it up. I’m with you…gobsmack them upside their cyber heads!
    Tammy recently posted…Shut Up and Enjoy the ViewMy Profile

  5. Kathy @ SMART Living says:

    Hahahaha! Yes, I just try to keep my sense of humor about them. Have you gotten the one from the guy who always ends his post with, “Thanks, cool dude?” ????? I love your word โ€œspam-pliments.โ€ If they weren’t so obvious they would be nice. Thanks for the laugh. ~Kathy
    Kathy @ SMART Living recently posted…Promotion or Prevention? Whatรขย€ย™s Your Focus And Why It MattersMy Profile

    • LynneCobb says:

      No, “Cool Dude” hasn’t arrived on the scene – yet! Give him time! I think Marci on #MidlifeBlvd coined the “spam-pliment” term. Love it!!

  6. Cathy Chester says:

    Oh, I think of the beginner me and shudder. I would take them seriously, not knowing where the heck these were coming from. Now? I barely read them. The alleged grammar drives me crazy, and who knows where they are coming from.

    I do love Akismet!
    Cathy Chester recently posted…Six Tips That Have Helped Me Stick To My Weight Loss PlanMy Profile

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