Love Loss and Listening for Sarah
While many people look forward to their first cup of coffee in the morning, I truly savor my second cuppa Joe. It’s like a reward for getting up, showering, exercising and adulting. Anything to motivate me to get the day rolling.
My second cup is great because I love to sit outside and journal. Now, this all works great when the weather is nice. However, I start to panic in the fall, knowing that outside journaling is going to come to a cold and snowy end.
Journaling is part of my self-care routine. There has been so much loss in the past few years, it helps me to write out my grief, my fears, my losses. And my sweet Sarah Boo has been on my mind so much the past few days. I’ve seen signs of her everywhere, to include her “angel wing” clouds in the above photo.
So far, this fall has been pretty damn nice. Almost a year ago at this time, we had a foot of snow. I’m taking advantage of journaling outside when I can. This morning, in November, I sat outside in my yard, enjoying my coffee and preparing my thoughts before cracking open my journal. It was a bit chilly, but the sky was an amazing blue, and the stillness of the morning was beyond peaceful. No leaf blowers. No barking dogs. No people talking. No loud cars. I didn’t even hear birds chirping. Just sweet, sweet quiet.
Sipping my coffee, I glanced down at my phone to make sure it was on silent. Out of nowhere I heard:
“Mema, I love you!”
The voice was crystal clear. I bolted up from my seat. I’m shocked I didn’t spill my coffee.
My eyes scanned my yard. Nothing. The voice sounded like it came from my daughter’s yard, a few houses down. Yes, I’m a lucky Mema to be able to see my grandchildren playing in their yard. We wave and yell “I love you” over the fence.
But there was no one in their yard.
Quickly, I sent Rachel a text.
“Is Lexi outside? Clear as a bell, I heard someone say, “Mema, I love you!”
“No, she’s crashed out still.”
Duh – of course she is. What 12-year old is going to be out of bed before nine in the morning on a Saturday? And the voice I heard was more mature than my little grandson’s.
I scanned again – no one is outside; there is no noise coming from the apartments. No cars, no walkers or joggers crunching the leaves, no dogs barking. Nothing but stillness. The world was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.
It was then I looked up, and saw a cardinal fly overhead – way up in the sky.
And that’s when I knew, without a doubt, it was Sarah.It was then I looked up, and saw a cardinal fly overhead – way up in the sky. And that’s when I knew, without a doubt, it was Sarah. #LoveAndLoss #SarahStrong #Grief Click To Tweet
I wanted to cry, and I wanted to leap in the air with joy. I sat with that swirl of emotion, just grateful beyond words that my little angel stopped by, giving me a message that I needed to hear.
I sat outside, savoring her greeting, staring at the table she used to sit at to paint her nails or do her art. I swear, the voice came from that very spot. I so miss seeing her sitting there, and I remember how patient she was with me when I kept texting her one day. She and I used to send each other emojis all the time. Her favorite was the poop one, of course. So, as I’m sending her text after text, trying to see if I could hear her laugh or turn her had in my direction, she finally had enough. And she sent me this text: “Mema, I’m painting my nails.” Without pre-teen tone, I might add. 😊
Oh, sweet, sweet Sarah. Thank you.
And sweetheart, I love you, too.
Looking forward to hearing from you soon. Real soon.
Love, Mema xoxo
© Lynne Cobb – 2020
Have you had a visit with a loved one who crossed over? Feel free to share in the comments below.