Can we call a truce?

Here we go – again. All will be quiet on the front, and then boom – the proverbial bomb drops and the war begins. Is anyone else growing weary of this tired topic?

By now, most people have heard a zillion times about the resurfaced “Mommy Wars” after yesterday’s television and Twitter reports. Working mom vs. stay-at-home mom. Apparently, this conflict will never cease.

Why must this fight continue? Why must all comments on either side of the subject continue to be taken as an insult? Why is stay-at-home mom vs. working mom even a debate?

To say that a woman who stays home to raise her children has “never worked a day in her life” is ignorant. Mothering is a tough and thankless job, in the immediate sense. There is rarely a moment to breathe between changing dirty diapers all day, dealing with overly-curious preschoolers and supervising teenagers. Being a stay-at-home mom isn’t easy – the work is hard – but the rewards are plenty. I know that because I’ve been a stay-at-home mom.

That being said, my heart is compassionate for women who balance work and raising a family. It isn’t easy to be up all night long with a sick preschooler, then try to find someone to watch the child because you have used up all of your sick and vacation time due to the baby being sick. Your mind wanders during a meeting because you are missing yet another skit at school – you couldn’t get the time off. Being a working mom isn’t easy – the work is hard – but the steady check helps to raise the family and secure their future. I know that, because I was also a full-time working mom.

Each one of our choices comes with a price. We know that, and don’t need to be reminded of that. My heart breaks for the women who don’t have a choice. The women forced into work because life threw them a curveball. Or the women forced into resigning the work they love due to a change in economics or family-life.

We mothers are our own worse enemy. Instead of respecting and appreciating the choices we have been blessed with, we are so busy beating each other up over who is correct in their choice. There is no right or wrong, ladies! It is a choice!

Instead of looking at a stay-at-home mom as an unitelligent lazy dolt, look at her with thanks. This is the woman who watches your child walk home from school, making sure no harm comes to him. This woman may be chaperoning your daughter’s trip to the zoo.

And stay-at-home moms, stop looking at working moms as women who are greedy and put the needs of their family behind a paycheck. Look at these women with thanks. These are the women who are on-call when your child gets sick in the middle of the night. These are the women who teach your child how to read.

We should be banding together to keep each other propped up, not tearing each other down.

Enough is enough!

© 2012 – Lynne Cobb

28 Replies to “Can we call a truce?”

  1. Lynne, you are a truly gifted writer! You really help me to think of things in such a unique manner. I too, have been both & see both sides… But you always throw in that little “something” that I have never thought of. Thanks for the inspirations! Nanc

    1. Nancy,
      Thank you so much for the very kind words. I really appreciate them – especially as I “re-invent” my writing career. Your words help to motivate me, and I thank you again.

  2. A great article Lynne. Even though I am not a mom, I watched my mom raise us 4 kids and it definately was not easy. I also see my friends raising families being either stay-at-home moms or a working moms. Hats off to all of them. Personally, I believe it to be the hardest job. Looking forward to your next article.

  3. Lynne, OMG, nice post … and great minds think alike … I posted something similar on my own blog this morning. I have been rewriting the intro to Writing Home (for the ebook edition) and felt I had to redefine “Mommy Wars,” wondering if anyone even used the term these days. And then, boom, the Hilary R comment set it all on fire again Wednesday. Now everyone is talking “Mommy Wars” again! Anyhoo — Nice post … I agree. Stop by my blog and you’ll see my spin on the same!

    1. Cindy – your blog post brought back memories of the ’90s version of “Mommy Wars.” I am posting the link here for others to read it as well. As usual, well-written.

  4. Amen! Too much time is spent by women to tear down other women for their choices…each choice is what helps the world go ’round! Great article 🙂

  5. I’ve been on both sides of the mom thing…stay at home, and at work mom. All I have to say is I work twice as hard as a stay at home mom than I ever did as an at work mom, but I would never trade it again for going back to work outside the home because of the great loss of time I suffered with some of my daughters as they were growing up. Those loss memories can never ever be made up. My daughters that I was at home for their early years are so much closer to me than the ones I couldn’t be home with because of work, and the ones I have been home with instead of working seem to have more of a sense of right and wrong, and going for their dreams, but remaining faithful and true to having a loving family and putting that family first in their lives. I think it is time the truth about how this has affected so many families is addressed. I’m not saying all moms should, because I know having been a single mom that it isn’t always possible, but when possible our children need a stay at home mom, our families need a mom who is the anchor at home, and our soceity needs moms who are giving our future a foundation. Just some thoughts from my own experience, and I really appreciate your blog post addressing the whole issue as well!

    1. Just one other thought…maybe instead of tearing each other down…we should be creating a support system of stay at home moms and at work moms, so in the long run it is our children that benefit. Like the idea of play dates, and coffee clutches so at work moms have a connection as do their children with a stay at home mom who can be a safe house for the children, and a sounding board for both moms. Only one rule…no judging each other, just shows of love and support.

  6. Lynne, thank you for this post, except I’m a little bit disappointed I don’t see more men’s comments. The women I admire most in life are the single working moms. I truly don’t know how they do it all…work, child rearing, home care, pay all the bills, washing, still try to find time to appeal to a potential significant other, and maintain a healthy outlook on life. They are true heroes. God bless them

    BTW…You left a great comment on forhispraise blog re: my post of stopping lies. Thank you for your support. Maybe with more like us, one day this STOP THE LIES crusade will take off. I certainly hope so.

    Be encouraged!

  7. Being a mom IS a tough job – whether stay-at-home or in-the-workplace. Because we homeschooled our kids in addition to my being a stay-at-home mom, I sometimes felt judged as a fringe oddball. It never really bothered me; I would not have changed those years with my kids for anything. Neither do I judge those who work outside the home or send their kids to public or private school. We all do the best we can with what we feel we need to do and with what is in front of us at the time. Gotta support each other!!

    1. Yes, Rebecca, I totally agree that we have to support each other. We make the best choices we can for our families and our situations. BTW – I really enjoy your blog 🙂

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