A Day in the Life of a Military Wife


“Behind every strong soldier, there is an even stronger woman who stands behind him, supports him, and loves him with all her heart.” – Unknown

Last night, two days out from Independence Day, I was cursing the firecrackers that some ignorant individual was setting off just moments before midnight.

I stayed up too late, and I was getting tired, and also becoming a little cranky. As the firecrackers echoed with an incredibly loud bang, I consoled my poor dog, who, most days, is the essence of male bravado. Since his adoption into our family while my husband served in Iraq, our  rescued mutt has taken the role of protecting his family very seriously. But he is not a fan of firecrackers.

Of course, the lighting of mortars and explosion of lights across the night sky on the Fourth of July is an All-American tradition, along with the parades, barbeques and retail sales. I love this holiday, and I love seeing the showing of the red, white and blue from what people wear, to decorations in homes and in their businesses. I love seeing the flag on display and the feeling of unity among neighbors and strangers.

It always makes me more proud of our service members and first-responders – many who will not have the opportunity to celebrate this day of independence, because they are keeping our nation and neighborhoods safe.

I woke up groggy, and typical of my morning routine, I sipped some super-strong coffee as I read my email, and then jumped over to Facebook. Of course, most moderators in the social media world were asking the same question: What are you doing for the Fourth? And most responses were typical: Having a cookout with family; seeing the fireworks; traveling to the beach.

One comment from a military spouse felt like a punch to my gut. In essence, she said, “Nothing. Fireworks remind my husband of the mortars when he was in Iraq, so we don’t do them any more.”

Looking at the clock, I logged off Facebook and got ready for the day. But her words hit me, and with each loud sound I have heard today, I was reminded by what she said. The sheer irony has laid on my heart all day. This soldier, who bravely fought for freedom and independence, suffers from the noise of the celebration of independence. This military spouse will spend her evening caring for her soldier, because she knows he needs her.

It is true that the service members have tough jobs and many times are in imminent danger. But military spouses have a very tough job, too.

We manage the home and the family on our own. Most of us have experienced more than one “deployment disaster,” such as a pipe bursting or all appliances conking out at once, or, in my case, a skunk spraying the entire exterior of the house. We deal with payday screw-ups and sketchy information. Most of us are blessed when our service member returns healthy and whole. But there are many spouses who become a care-giver for a host of injuries, health, or mental health issues.

Military spouses don’t wear a uniform. We don’t stand out in a crowd, unless we are next to our uniformed service member. We celebrate holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries alone, trying to keep the days normal for the family. We attend weddings and funerals and dance recitals and school plays solo, but when appropriate, we are taking video and photos to share across the miles. We Google videos on how to tie our son’s ties for senior pictures. We pay the bills and handle the work of two. We stop what we are doing to look at our phones, and will answer any text or call from our spouse at any time – day or night. We worry – though we know we shouldn’t. We pray and send care packages and create countdown calendars. This is what it’s like – a day in the life of a military wife.

Last week, I attended a conference in Chicago, and afterward enjoyed an afternoon at Navy Pier. I was surprised to see a USO there, and I took the opportunity to share this great service with my 15-year-old daughter. Inside the USO, I explained to her that this respite service is manned by volunteers. Anywhere there is a USO, her dad and brother can stop in for a rest, a cup of coffee, or to check email. Most of the time, you’ll find a USO in an airport. And, as a military dependent, she can use a USO as well.

As we left, I thanked the volunteers, and threw a donation into the jar. One of the volunteers said, “Thank you for your service.” I replied, “No, I am not a service member. Just a military spouse.”

“Like I said, thank you for your service. You serve, because he serves.”

I will admit that I teared up. I thanked him, and was truly appreciative. Yes, I do serve. All  military spouses serve.

So, to the military spouses out there who are holding their service member’s hand a little tighter during the noise of the Fourth, thank you. For all the spouses out there, who won’t be celebrating together as a family, thank you. For those of you who are together between deployments – thank you. Enjoy that precious time together.

Thank you for serving.

How will you celebrate the Fourth of July holiday?

© 2013 – Lynne Cobb

31 Replies to “A Day in the Life of a Military Wife”

  1. Lynne,
    Thank you for your service and thank your husband and family for theirs. I do understand where you are coming from as my father, and son has served. The last deployments were hard on us all as his new wife and daughter missed him terribly. Happy Forth. Enjoy the day.

  2. Nicely done, Lynne! I knew you had had problems with your basement, but did not know about the skunking. Oh, my!

    1. Yes! Skunking, a broken drain pipe, flooded basement, motherboard on refrig frying out… yes, Deployment Disasters are a reality!

  3. Beautiful words, Lynne, and a thoughtful reminder to all of us. I will share this with a friend who is a newlywed navy wife. Blessings!

  4. Amen! Well said! What a wonderful posting that is so very true! I always admired how you “kept going” as normal, whenever hubby was deployed. Most people would not be able to relate to the physical and emotional struggles that you endured whenever he was away. I am sure your family is very proud of you for “A job well done” raising a beautiful family.

    1. Well, Bob, some days I think I could win an Academy Award for acting normal…LOL! Seriously, I thank you. It helps to have support from other people, especially veterans such as you!

  5. I feel a bit late to this conversation, but I’ve been vacationing and relatively “unplugged.” (A good thing.) Thanks for this thoughtful perspective. We have a tradition of going up north and enjoying smores, BBQ, a small town parade and fireworks. (Which DO get really loud! So many these days!) But this year we went first out to Mt. Rushmore. They do a wonderful lighting ceremony at night, where they invite everyone who is or has served in any armed forces to come forward. It’s quite impressive, as it’s true: if not for a uniform, you’d never know who served/serves. The park ranger also had every person say their name and what arm they serve/served in. It was very classy and eye-opening, I thought.
    Also, just read your Academy Award for acting normal comment:)

  6. Lovely piece — I am sure you speak for many women serving as you do. I enjoyed seeing this on BlogHer as well! Cheers!

  7. Pingback: Have a Happy Fourth of July! - Lynne CobbLynne Cobb
  8. My mom had (might still have, I’m not sure) a little cross-stitch thing in a frame that said “Navy wife – it’s the toughest job in the Navy”.

    Dad was on SSBN subs and would be away for 3 months at a time. There wasn’t the fear factor that spouses of military personnel in some of the world’s hot spots today must feel, the subs were generally pretty safe (although there was the Thresher), but it must have been a challenge to be solely responsible for stuff at home while dad was off on the boat and incommunicado. She never let on that it was hard, though – although there was one Christmas when my dad on patrol and my mom suggested that maybe we could skip the decorating this year. My sister and I were of course not having it – we were a little too young at the time to think maybe Mom was having a bit of holiday-without-hubby blues but looking back I always wonder if that was the case.

    1. Aww, I totally understand. Many Christmases I haven’t wanted to decorate, but end up doing at least a little something. Thank you for your family’s service and sacrifice.

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