Battling with grays and strays

gray and stray
Battling with grays and strays

Grays and strays – just another dandy way that menopause shares its, dare I say, hair-raising, life-altering change.

About three years ago, I colored my hair for the last time. The gray was in for the win, and my scalp became irritated from the dye. My last, paid-for hair hurrah were highlights and low-lights, which camouflaged the incoming gray. Midlife was sucking the life right out of my melanin production, creating a source of natural color streaks. Albeit gray in color, the strands contrasted with my brunette beginnings, thus giving me, um, a new type of highlights.

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Hooked on clickbait

hooked on clickbait
hooked on clickbait

The reason for her rant? Just one minute in and you’ll see…

“I was scrolling on the Net one day; In the merry, merry month of May. I was taken by surprise, with so many headline “whys;” Scrolling through the Net one day…” – Lynne Cobb

When she sees clickbait, she instantly…

By nature, I have always been inquisitive. At the ripe old age of, um, 11 years-old, you’d find me reading the newspaper, with a keen love of the Dear Abby and Ann Landers’ columns. The headlines would attract me, and I couldn’t wait to read the sage advice of these opinionated ladies.

Of course, I loved the opinion page, too. Raging debates among readers, especially in sound-off type columns, were another addiction of mine. Catchy deadlines would draw me in, so, it is really no surprise that now, with the world at my fingertips, I am never more than a click away from reading some crazy content.

Headlines have always befuddled me. I love to write, but finding the perfect headline can cost me hours of thought time. And now, as I prepare to lead a social media class for boomers and beyond, I find myself getting hooked on headlines that I know are going to disappoint me, and waste my time. Yet, I can’t not click…

When you hear the reason why she wrote this…

If you didn’t know it, clickbait is the term used for headlines that lead one to read the most insane copy posted on the Internet. For those who need a definition, here you go:

click·bait: /ˈklikbāt/ Noun; informal (on the Internet) content, especially that of a sensational or provocative nature, whose main purpose is to attract attention and draw visitors to a particular web page.

So while I have been diligently searching for some examples of clickbait to use in my presentation, I have kind of become a statistic. And a junkie. My name is Lynne, and I am hooked on clickbait.

I mean, who wouldn’t click on jewels like these:

  • The crazy food that will make you lose 15 pounds in one…
  • She discovers her husband doing this, and what happens next…
  • The secret that dermatologists don’t want you to know is hiding…
  • He grabs a microphone and what happens next…
  • The top 12 reasons why you should…

It used to be the off-the-wall Websites that used this nonsense to grab readers’ attention. But recently I have even seen major news organizations use this tactic! Ugh! Please make it stop! Though, to be fair, if the strategy didn’t work, they wouldn’t be using it.

You will not believe what blogger discovers during important…

Admitting that you have a problem is the first step in healing, right? So, knowing that I can’t always control my finger from clicking, I have resorted to hiding my mouse and tying my arm behind my back, then using a blindfold bound around my head. Ok – not true. But sometimes I really do close my eyes and scroll past the temptation. Instead of actually clicking the story, I peruse the comments to determine if reading the content is worth my time. Then I develop another problem – I get sucked into the comments sphere! Help!!!

When soul-searching her problem, what she does next inspires…

 Okay. So I admitted that I can’t come up with awesome headlines, and that I am a sucker for clickbait. But what I discovered about myself in the process is so awe-inspiring! So remarkable!

 She realized she could drive traffic to her blog with one simple hack…

 Really, it’s true! Every headline on this page, I made up myself! So I can write to my heart’s content, slap some silly gimmick headline on it, match up my SEO and be viral in a moment! Woot! Yay, me!!!

What she shares with her readers will bring you to…

Seriously, I wouldn’t do that to you. Yes, I want to be a rich and famous, well-known writer. So, no, I won’t resort to these guerrilla tactics to get likes and views and all kinds of accolades. I will go back to wasting precious hours working on the perfect headline. Unless, of course, I just go and click over here read for a moment and get distracted for some, um, inspiration….

© Lynne Cobb – 2015

Have you fallen victim to clickbait? Are you, dare I say, hooked? Share your experiences with the rest of the world in the comment section J

Props for Menopause

Props for Menopause
Props for Menopause

“I love to come in and play with a wig or glasses or clothes. I love using props. I’m from the Peter Sellers school of trying to prepare for the character.” – Dan Aykroyd

Ha – you’re probably thinking “Props for Menopause” means this essay is all about a big thumbs-up for this crazy change in women. Ummm – no. Far from it. It’s about props that one needs to survive this change of life.

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Great father and great memories

fathers day card

“This is the price you pay for having a great father. You get the wonder, the joy, the tender moments – and you get the tears at the end, too.” – Harlan Coben

I’ve come to the realization that Father’s Day will always be bittersweet. The first few years after my dad’s death were really difficult, and you can tell by the type of posts I wrote that I was really grieving.

Not to say that I am not still grieving – I think that will last forever. But the pain isn’t the “punch in the gut” grief like it used to be. Continue reading “Great father and great memories”

Slang used today and words I should not say

wpid-2014-11-14-13.02.19.jpg.jpeg“Slang is a language that rolls up its sleeves, spits on its hands and goes to work.” – Carl Sandburg

As a writer and an avid reader, I find words and language usage fascinating. Just call me a word nerd. Admittedly, as I have entered the digital age, I find myself being a little more lax in language and grammar rules. Some of my participles dangle, and sometimes I end sentences with a preposition and I often find myself starting sentences with “and” or “but.”

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Menopause transformed the bedroom into a brothel

wpid-2014-06-27-12.17.31.jpg.jpeg“Say what you want about long dresses, but they cover a multitude of shins.” – Mae West

Yes, peri-menopause is making me a changed woman. It is doing things to my body and brain that I never knew it could. It is also changing my house. How, you ask? Because menopause is transforming the bedroom into a brothel.

But, not in the way you would think.

Continue reading “Menopause transformed the bedroom into a brothel”

Spam – A whole new kind of crazy

“I’ve learned how to use my spam filter pretty effectively.” – Al Yankovic

spamSpam. Oh, spam. You are such a time suck for every blogger. Spam. Spam. And more spam. Like dust bunnies pro-creating and making more work in some secluded corner somewhere, spammers are out in full force, grabbing each key word and twisting my content into a new level of craziness to fit their message. They try so hard to “fit in” to the real comments waiting moderation. They try so hard to be relevant. Continue reading “Spam – A whole new kind of crazy”

Help! I’m Addicted to Taking Personality Quizzes!!

“A lady likes to be complimented on her looks, her eyes, her figure. But the personality comments are much appreciated.” Betty White

wpid-storageemulated0DCIMCamera2014-02-19-22.44.37.jpg.jpgI have a confession to make. My dirty little secret is now revealed: I am addicted to online personality quizzes. Whether it is food or character comparisons, I have been busy checking boxes and learning my true person.

Oh, the shame!

It started so innocently – and recently, too. If you dabble in Facebook, you may have seen posts from your friends, sharing the results of quizzes taken on BuzzFeed and Zimbio and the like.

Anyhow, what started my online test-taking addiction were the posts my friends shared, showing the results of their “Which Disney Princess Are You?” assessments. (Snow White for me, if you’re interested).

And so it began.

A few days later, when I saw posts on the next popular character quiz, I took the “Which Big Bang Theory Character Are You?” Bernadette, if you are asking. And, ironically, my hubby was Howard. Guess that means we are truly a match made in heaven, as the two characters are married on the show.

Anyhow, I found another quiz, and another.

Guess what – now I am hooked.

My obsession continues. Just yesterday, I had to find out, “What Kind of Food Are You?” Apparently, I am cheese, as I go with everything, and I can be mild or spicy, depending on the mood. The Downton Abbey character I resemble the most (just in personality, thank you very much), is “Mr. Bates,” which is cool, as he is a stand-up guy – loyal and reliable.

But, wait! There’s more! In my online personality assessments, where I am really, truly finding myself, I have learned that:

  • I would be a president worthy of a place on Mt. Rushmore;
  • If I went back to high school, I’d be in the Drama Club clique;
  • The “Celebrity Diva” I’m a close match to is Tina Turner – a woman able to rise to life’s challenges;
  • In current cultural trends, I find myself a “do-it-yourself” kinda gal (please reference Lynne’s Lab!);
  • If I were one of the Pink Ladies from Grease, you would call me Sandy.
  • If I were a font, I would be Times New Roman – “a constant, reliable, secretly sexy classic. Just look at those serifs!”
  • The city I should be living in is Paris (Should I have my spouse take this test? Do we need to list the house and call “House Hunters International” for relocation assistance?)

All in all, the results have been a pretty accurate assessment of me. It is rather entertaining, to say the least, and hubby and I have had a lot of laughs taking these quizzes together. (By the way, he’d make a Mt. Rushmore-worthy POTUS, too.)

There is a little bit of science and a lot of fun packed into these personality tests, but I am convinced that maybe, just maybe, my addiction to these quizzes has nothing to do with finding the real me, and everything to do with surviving the winter doldrums:  the record cold temperatures and snow fall, the crazy cabin fever and the Polar Vortex syndrome. Seriously, being the stuck in the house has pushed me over the edge. So knowing that I am generally happy, nice, loyal and tough has been a good thing. It is nice to know I haven’t gone crazy – yet.

I am sure come spring, when I spend more time outside in the real world, my addiction will cease. But in the meantime, if you are looking for me, I am busy trying to find myself…

🙂

© Lynne Cobb – 2014

Have you taken any of these quizzes? What were your results? Let me know in the comment section.

 

True Confessions of a Not-So-Famous-Blogger

wpid-storageemulated0DCIMCamera2014-02-12-16.13.29.jpg.jpgIn the very wee hours of the morning, as I was mulling over (and over) a few blog post ideas that were swirling around inside my head, the proverbial light bulb clicked on and I was faced with the realization that I am not your average blogger.

This all began at 5:21 a.m. this morning, when I woke up to write the words to a poem I have been working on all week. I have never gotten out of bed to write something down – ever – but I will do so from now on.

Anyhow, as I tried to fall back to sleep, writing thoughts kept popping in my head. Then my creative thoughts turned to a self-assessment of why it takes me forever to write a blog post. A lot of ideas come to me at inopportune moments – like while in the shower (soap crayons for notes?) or while I am trying to sleep. So it doesn’t help that I can’t remember the complete book I have written while shampooing my hair. But I digress.

But it has been bothering me that I can’t stop what I am doing, fire off a quick post, share it for the world to see and dive back in to life. I see bloggers churn out post after post and my feelings of inadequacy take over in my head, like a mushroom cloud that forms when the dust rises after a bomb detonates. How do they do what I can’t seem to do? 

Apparently, I am just not wired that way. I need a long, well-thought process, inspiration, and more thinking.

Maybe I put too much thought into my writing. Maybe it is more of an artistic, therapeutic, method of madness than anything else. Most bloggers have a theme – fashion, finance, parenting, grand-parenting, food, diseases, going-green. Not me – my ramblings cover it ALL! Why make it easier on myself, and just go with one idea?! Why can’t I just write, post and publish? No, I have to develop an outline, then write a  first-draft, a second draft, let it “simmer,” re-read, and scrap it all and start over again, then have my husband and daughters read for content (then for check errors if I decide to publish). Except for today. Oh, and then I have to take the perfect picture to accompany the text…

That’s why (a good excuse, anyway) I don’t have a blog post up on a regular basis. And so that is why SEOs and Google searches and others haven’t found me yet. I am at the mercy of my artistic self that is bucking the algorithms of digital success.

As I tried to go back to sleep, by now it is 5:55 a.m., I became more comfortable in the realization that I am a not-so-typical blogger. And, if there are other bloggers that go through this insane process, then maybe, just maybe, they will appreciate my new-found descriptive category:  “The Starving Artist Blogger.”

Not that I write about fine art – yet (just give me time…why not add another category!) – but each post that I write has to be inspired. It may be about parenting, or it may be about knitting or faith or grief or a recipe or a news event or what ever speaks to my heart. Like painters who see something that speaks to them, and then express their feelings onto canvas, I see or hear something that speaks to me, and have to write about it. Eventually.

An artist takes their time to get everything just right – the colors, the textures, the mood, the lighting. One can’t just create without a thought process. Hours are spent visualizing and thinking and sketching.

And I do the same thing. But with words. I am sure people think I am aloof, but there are times that I am writing in my head as I stand in line at the grocery store. Maybe I sound like an airhead when I mix up the words that I am trying to speak, but it’s only because on the other side of my brain, I am trying to keep the words for my essay alive in my head until I can grab a pad of paper and a pen and jot it all down.

Currently, my “art”studio is my laptop in the corner of our home office, with a stash of yarn peeking out from behind a filing cabinet. It isn’t real inspiring, at the moment, which is why I haven’t painted the next Mona Lisa or developed a great knitting pattern – yet. However, in my artist brain, I will one day have the perfect studio cottage, where it is summer year-round, filled with books and paints and pencils and fabric and a little kitchenette stocked with essentials like coffee, tea, chocolate and wine. The summer breezes will gently dance with the gauzy draperies covering the big picture window that offers a view of a lake. My herb garden will be in full bloom, and I will be writing my novel as my painting dries on a vintage art stand in the corner.

If someone could look at my blog dashboard, they’d see several blog posts sitting in the draft mode, waiting for some TLC before I hit publish. (Oh, disclaimer – my closet is filled with unfinished knitting projects, and a few book outlines are stored in there, too, somewhere…) It’s not that these works won’t ever get finished, it is that they aren’t quite ready to be revealed to the world.

Oh sure, some day I hope that one of my blog posts goes viral. Is my wish any different from an artist hoping for a large crowd at a gallery opening, the place filled with smiles and laughter while photographers run around to capture the moment with the dazzling guests, each raising a cocktail in a toast to the host?

Well, my soul-searching ended with the alarm clock ringing at 6:30 a.m. this morning. I got up, had my coffee and digested the fact that I am just an average blogger. I am not massively successful with thousands of readers re-posting every profound word that I write. I can embrace and accept my “Starving Artist Blogger” status. After all, it’s only my creative genius that’s getting in the way of my virtual success. 🙂

© Lynne Cobb – 2014

Are you a “Starving Artist Blogger?” Let me know in the comments below.

Stuck in a Polar Vortex

wpid-storageemulated0DCIMCamera2014-01-08-16.54.30.jpg.jpg“While I relish our warm months, winter forms our character and brings out our best.”  – Tom Allen

Well, one day I can tell my future grandchildren, “We survived the Polar Vortex of 2014!” My two granddaughters will chime in and tell their future cousins, “It snowed and snowed and then it was so cold, we missed five days of school!”

After being stuck in the house for days – which seems like years – it is comical how I continue to look at the rising thermometer with glee. For the first time in a few days, the mercury is rising, and we are at temps above zero. Seventeen degrees never felt so good.

Being housebound, I’d like to say I accomplished a lot, but that would be the farthest thing from the truth. I could have cleaned closets and cupboards, but I didn’t. Instead, I did a lot of reflecting and observing. Nothing like a weather crisis to bring on some serious people-watching.

So, from my snow-covered, frozen little corner of the world, I have penned what I learned about myself and humanity during a snowstorm and polar vortex:

The Negative:

  • Humans can be greedy. Okay, this news junkie decided to watch The Weather Channel for the first several hours of the snowstorm, as I was curious to see the extent of Mother Nature’s fury. I was in awe of how massive the storm system was. The stories and images of people clearing out grocery shelves was a sad statement. How many gallons of milk, loaves of bread and cartons of eggs do we need to survive a few days?
  • News anchors sound silly. My intelligence was insulted repeatedly with information on how to survive the cold and snow. It is winter. It snows. It gets cold – sometimes brutally cold. Generations before us survived without the idiot lessons – just saying…
  • Concern over animals. I read and heard more coverage on how to protect pets and wildlife from the elements than I did about checking on the homeless and elderly. That kind of bothered me. A lot.
  • Cold is painful. Ouch – walking out the door was like being slapped in the face!

wpid-storageemulated0DCIMCamera2014-01-08-20.10.13.jpg.jpg

The Positive:

  • Humans are compassionate: I heard and saw how good we can be to each other. Wonderful stories emerged of individuals rising to the occasion and coming to the aid of their fellow man, such as helping others free their cars from snow banks, clearing their neighbors’ walkways of snow and helping to start stalled cars. It was refreshing to see and hear of folks putting others’ needs first. Random acts of kindness.
  • Social media: The other evening, I had a great time on social media. I learned how cold it was in other areas of the country, saw incredible snow and ice pictures, and just had amazing conversations with friends, family and neighbors from around the world. We were all stuck inside, but able to communicate, and that was really a blessing.
  • Crash-course in mathematics: Remember the number charts: …-3, -2, -1, 0, 1, 2, 3…? Interesting how all of that came back to me as I watched the thermometer drop – and rise again! Glad I can remember how to do simple math!
  • Science nerd: Why not have a little fun? A few summers ago, during a heat wave, I cooked an egg on the sidewalk. With record cold temps, my daughter and I were like giddy kids, wanting to try something new. So, we boiled water, opened the door, flung the water away from the house and watched it vaporize and change its form before our very eyes. First we tried our experiment in the dark, and then during the daylight. Very cool both times. We blew bubbles (after defrosting the frozen bottle overnight) and watched how they solidified and shattered like glass in the cold. A few of the bubbles froze to the wand! Of course we were careful, as true scientists would be, and made sure we were protected from the elements and boiling water. Bazinga.
  • Apologies: I realized I needed to call my mother and apologize for rolling my eyes at her back when I was a teen. Over the past few days, my own teens thought I was overprotective when I wouldn’t let them drive on ice-covered roads. If the State Police advise not driving in certain areas, and schools are closed due to black ice, what makes a teen think he or she is invincible? Oh, their hysterical laughter would have been music to my ears if I was at an open mike night at the local comedy club. But alas, I was not. I was just standing at the door, merely suggesting to have a hat and gloves in case the car breaks down or gets stuck in a snow rut. At that very moment, I knew then how my parents felt. Sorry, Mom and Dad!
  • Teens vs. Toddlers:  Snow days with teens are easier than with younger kids. Why? Because they sleep away most of the day! Enough said.
  • Gratitude: Giving thanks to God that we never lost power, that we had plenty of firewood and a well-stocked pantry, that we have a place to call home and that we didn’t have it as bad as others did – all are blessings to not take for granted.

So, while the fierce winter winds wailed and the snowflakes and mercury steadily dropped, my observation is that during this crazy weather week, there was a lot more positive than negative. That was good.

Yes, our family and many others survived a moment in history. A moment that I pray won’t be repeated. If I never again have the chance to toss boiling water into the air, I won’t complain. If I never hear the words “polar vortex” again, I won’t be bothered a bit. I can safely cross “visit Antarctica” from my bucket list.

For sure, it will be a winter to remember. On the bright side, there are only 70 days until spring! 🙂

487

© Lynne Cobb – 2014

If you were caught in the Polar Vortex, what did you do to survive? Any astute observations? Let me know in the comment section!