Spam – A whole new kind of crazy

“I’ve learned how to use my spam filter pretty effectively.” – Al Yankovic

spamSpam. Oh, spam. You are such a time suck for every blogger. Spam. Spam. And more spam. Like dust bunnies pro-creating and making more work in some secluded corner somewhere, spammers are out in full force, grabbing each key word and twisting my content into a new level of craziness to fit their message. They try so hard to “fit in” to the real comments waiting moderation. They try so hard to be relevant.

There was a time, not so long ago, that I would greet each email comment notification from WordPress with glee! But that love affair is quickly ending, and I find myself becoming more and more aggravated with having to waste my writing time on sorting through comments such as these:

  • “She grew sharp pangs.” Gee, I hope that was before she read my blog post!
  • “Many thanks for the great write-up.” You’re welcome. I had you in mind all along.
  • “The item the simple truth is once were a amusement account it. Look difficult to additional launched pleasant within your mind you should we converse.” Huh? Well, at least it was spelled correctly…
  • “As the sun shone on, his hair glittered and flashed so that the rays fell into payday loans.” Wow – I didn’t know it worked that way. Thanks for the info. I’ll click that hyperlink you included – not.
  • “This is the best websites I have read.” Aww – that means so much coming from you.
  • “The outposts of civilizations are payday loans.” Really? So, all those historians had it wrong.
  • “He curled down the weeds carpet cleaning.” Yeah, not really getting this…
  • “…He met an old woman who asked him where he was going. “I hardly know where I am going,” said the soldier, “but I think I should carpet clean Santa Monica.” I bet the folks in Santa Monica think so, too.
  • “I noticed it’s hard to find you on Google.” Really??? It sure doesn’t seem to be a problem for you…

These are just a few examples I receive multiple times per day. Most are written in, dare I say, English. I have tried to translate all the foreign language comments, but I haven’t yet mastered Russian, Chinese, Arabic and other languages, so I will go with the assumption that they, too, are being kind.

A few comments are, as a fellow blogger puts it, “spam-pliments.” They are quite nice, if I do say so myself. Some of the spam comments are very pornographic. (And, no, I don’t need to enlarge something that didn’t come with my original packaging. But I digress.)

Apparently, spamming is working for someone, or the spammers wouldn’t keep spamming, right? These folks wouldn’t keep phishing if they came up empty-handed. So somewhere out there in the vast social media, email and blogging world, someone is clicking these odd-ball hyperlinks and encouraging spammers and hackers to keep on trying to infiltrate my site.

It makes me want to hunt those fools down and spam-smack them into cyberspace.

No wonder “she grew sharp pangs.” I now understand how that can happen.

© 2014 – Lynne Cobb

Are you being harassed by Sir Spam-A-Lot and his merry crew of hackers? Do you chuckle at the messages or delete them without looking? Let me know in the comments below.

This entry was posted in humor, IMHO, My Take on the Subject, Technology and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Spam – A whole new kind of crazy

  1. Helene Cohen Bludman says:

    Ack! That is so annoying (although I find some of my spam comments hilarious, too). Do you use Akismet, Lynne? I have found it to be pretty helpful with spam.

    • LynneCobb says:

      Yes, I use Askimet. But they aren’t sent to a spam folder…they are waiting for me to moderate. So, at least they don’t get into my comment section. Is there something more with Askimet I should do? I use the free version.

      • LynneCobb says:

        Here’s another doozy: “obviously like your web-site however you need to test the spelling on quite a few of your posts. Several of them are rife with spelling issues and I in finding it very bothersome to inform the reality however I will definitely come again again.” Yes, criticize my spelling when you can’t form a coherent sentence. LOL :-)

  2. Robyn says:

    There are days my spam is the funniest thing I read. I have even copied it as a text to my sister. It’s like reading word-salad (that is a real psychological term). It seems the same people who ‘love’ you ‘love’ me and they say the same things. :-/

  3. I have no idea how to get rid of these annoying spambots on my blog, other than going in and removing each one manually – it’s very annoying! The last 2 weeks have been out of control, not sure why. Yours above, are pretty funny, somewhat similar to the ones I get. I love your responses :)
    Claudia Schmidt recently posted…All For the Love Of BaseballMy Profile

    • LynneCobb says:

      I don’t either, Claudia! I, too, am removing each one manually. Some days, I clear out 50 of these so-called comments. Glad you liked my responses :-)

  4. Tammy says:

    So agree with all of this! What a pain in the butt. They are getting even more clever as sometimes I have to read twice before determining they are bunk. There was one that was so flattering, I was almost tempted to keep it up. I’m with you…gobsmack them upside their cyber heads!
    Tammy recently posted…Shut Up and Enjoy the ViewMy Profile

  5. Hahahaha! Yes, I just try to keep my sense of humor about them. Have you gotten the one from the guy who always ends his post with, “Thanks, cool dude?” ????? I love your word “spam-pliments.” If they weren’t so obvious they would be nice. Thanks for the laugh. ~Kathy
    Kathy @ SMART Living 365.com recently posted…Promotion or Prevention? What’s Your Focus And Why It MattersMy Profile

    • LynneCobb says:

      No, “Cool Dude” hasn’t arrived on the scene – yet! Give him time! I think Marci on #MidlifeBlvd coined the “spam-pliment” term. Love it!!

  6. Oh, I think of the beginner me and shudder. I would take them seriously, not knowing where the heck these were coming from. Now? I barely read them. The alleged grammar drives me crazy, and who knows where they are coming from.

    I do love Akismet!
    Cathy Chester recently posted…Six Tips That Have Helped Me Stick To My Weight Loss PlanMy Profile

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

CommentLuv badge